97 Best Jokes and Puns About Ghosts

Looking to inject some spirited humor into your next friends or family gathering? Whether you are planning a spooky party or just love a good laugh, a collection of funny ghost jokes is the perfect way to raise everyone’s spirits.

From clean, family-friendly giggles to a more mature selection for adults, there is something here to make every ghost and mortal smile. If you are short on time but big on punchlines, our quick-witted one-liner ghost jokes can offer some instant laughs. Our Halloween ghost jokes are sure to be the life (or afterlife) of your seasonal celebrations.

For those who appreciate delightfully cringe-worthy humor, we have packed this collection with plenty of groan-inducing dad ghost jokes that are so bad they are good. We haven’t forgotten wordplay enthusiasts either. You will find the best ghost puns for Halloween to take your festive banter to the next level, along with clever everyday puns about ghosts to drop into casual conversations year-round. So grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and get ready to laugh your sheet off!

Funny Ghost Jokes

1) Why did the ghost turn down the job offer? He just couldn’t see himself doing it.

2) Why are ghosts such terrible liars? Because everyone can see right through them.

3) What happens if you don’t pay your exorcist on time? Your house gets repossessed!

4) Why did the outdoorsy ghost get arrested by the game warden? He was caught hunting without a haunting license.

5) What did the ghost teacher say to the class? “Keep your eyes on the board while I go through it again.”

6) Why did the ghost go to the eye doctor? Because he needed a pair of spooktacles!

7) What happened when the ghost was caught in the rain? It dampened her spirits.

8) Why did the robot turn into a ghost? Because he couldn’t rust in peace!

9) Why wouldn’t the ghost eat his dinner? He just didn’t have the stomach for it.

10) What room in a ghost’s house is completely unnecessary? The living room!

11) Why did the specter win the debate? Because nobody could argue with thin air.

12) Why don’t ghosts like performing stand-up comedy? They get tired of getting booed off stage.

Ghost Jokes for Adults

1) What did the ghost say to his buddies when they walked into the bar? “Let’s get sheet-faced!”

2) How do you tell a female ghost from a male ghost? Booooobs.

3) What did the ghost say when he woke up with a brutal hangover? “Man, I really need to lay off the boos.”

4) What do you call Viagra for specters? A specter erector.

5) What happened when the ghost couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time? He sheet himself.

6) Why do ghosts love dating apps? They excel at ghosting you before the first date even happens.

7) Ghost 1: “My girlfriend is a medium.” Ghost 2: “Really? Mine is a large.”

8) Why do male ghosts always get rejected at bars? They’re completely transparent about their intentions and have no body to show for it.

9) What’s the difference between a bad boyfriend and a ghost? A ghost eventually leaves after a proper exorcism.

10) What happens when you goose a ghost? You get a handful of sheet.  

11) Why do ghosts make the absolute best lawyers? Because possession is nine-tenths of the law!  

12) What did the flirtatious phantom say to the bartender? “I bet you’re a real freak in the sheets.”  

13) Why was the ghost arrested at the nightclub? He got busted for public possession.

One-Liners Ghost Jokes

1) A ghost got lost in a heavy fog… oh well, he will be mist.

2) I told my priest I was being haunted by an overweight spirit, and he told me I just needed to exorcise more.

3) A ghost walks into a bar at 12:30 AM, but the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits after midnight.”

4) I found out my girlfriend is actually a ghost—to be honest, I had my suspicions the moment she walked right through the front door.

5) I bought a used boomerang from a local ghost, and now I’m terrified it’s going to come back to haunt me.

6) There has never been a ghost sighting in Finland because nobody who died there had un-Finnish-ed business.  

7) I don’t believe in ghosts, but I think if they were real, they’d be a lot more transparent about it.  

8) I once told a really bad joke about a ghost, and honestly, it still haunts me to this day.  

9) A ghost orders a burger at a restaurant, and the waiter asks, “Do you want frights with that?”

10) My roommate has been terrified lately because he thinks our apartment is haunted, but I haven’t noticed a single thing in the 300 years I’ve lived here.  

11) I don’t actually have trust issues—I just happen to have a very transparent personality.  

12) A ghost floated straight into a brick wall and calmly muttered, “Don’t mind me, I’m just passing through.”

13) Even phantoms need to get a good night’s rest when they are completely dead tired.

Halloween Ghost Jokes

1) Why is it so cheap to throw a party in a haunted house on Halloween? Because the ghosts always bring the boos!

2) What do ghosts always eat for dinner on Halloween night? Ghoulash!

3) What did the twin ghosts call themselves when they rang every single doorbell on Halloween? Dead ringers!

4) Where do ghosts prefer to go trick-or-treating? At dead ends.

5) What do ghosts put on their bagels on Halloween morning? Scream cheese!

6) What do you do when a carload of ghosts pulls up to your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!

7) What is a baby ghost’s favorite game to play on Halloween night? Peek-a-boo!  

8) Where do ghosts go to stock up on candy for Halloween? The ghost-ery store!

9) What’s a ghost’s absolute favorite karaoke song to sing on Halloween? “Teenage Scream.”  

10) What does a stylish ghost use to keep its sheet in place for a Halloween party? Scare spray!

11) What do ghosts drink their coffee with on Halloween morning? Plenty of scream and sugar.  

12) What do ghosts give out to the neighborhood trick-or-treaters on Halloween? Booberries!

Dad Ghost Jokes

1) Why didn’t the lonely ghost go to the high school prom? Because he had no body to go with.

2) Why do ghosts love riding elevators so much? It really raises their spirits.

3) Where do ghosts go when they need a warm tropical vacation? The Boo-hamas!

4) What did the ghost mother say to her hyperactive ghost kid? “It’s tough being apparent.”

5) What do health-conscious ghosts use to get around town? They ride boocycles.

6) What do you call it when a ghost farts? Passing ghast.

7) What does a little ghost call his mother and father? His trans-parents!

8) Why was the ghost so sad when he tripped and fell? He got a boo-boo!  

9) What advice do ghost parents give their children? “Only spook when spoken to!”

10) What does a ghost panda eat for dinner? Bam-boo!  

11) Where do baby ghosts go during the day while their parents are at work? Day-scare centers!  

12) What do little ghosts like to play with instead of Frisbees? Boo-merangs!

13) What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A night-mare!

14) What does a ghost cow say? BoooooooooOOOOOOO!

15) Why are some ghosts always so happy? Because every shroud has a silver lining.  

16) What do you find inside a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers!

17) What do ghosts love to put on their pizzas? Tomb-ato and cheese.  

18) Why did the ghost hit up the massive weekend blowout sale? He’s a total bargain haunter.

Best Ghost Puns for Halloween

1) Let’s get this Halloween party startled!

2) Maybe it’s just the boos talking, but you look absolutely boo-tiful tonight.

3) Hey, if you’ve got it, haunt it!

4) I’m witching you a very happy Halloween and a spooky night.

5) Be careful with that candy corn, it’s completely eerie-sistible.

6) I’m just here for the boos.

7) Have a fright-fully good Halloween!

8) You’re looking absolutely ghoul-geous tonight.

9) Tomb it may concern, have a happy Halloween!

10) Forget the dance floor, it’s time to shake your boo-ty!

11) Fasten your sheet-belts, this Halloween party is about to get crazy!  

12) I hope your night is absolutely fa-boo-lous!  

13) Honestly, I’m just a complete haunt mess right now.

Puns About Ghosts

1) Too ghoul for school — Still haunting deadlines and missing classes.

2) Romeo and Ghouliet — A ghost’s absolute favorite romantic play.

3) Shamboo — The only hair product guaranteed to keep a ghost’s sheet looking silky smooth.

4) Boo-tique — Where highly fashionable spirits go to shop for premium white sheets.

5) High-spirited — What you call a ghost hanging out on your living room ceiling.

6) Ghoul-keeper — The only position a ghost ever wants to play on the soccer field.

7) A lost sole — What you call a ghost without any feet.  

8) A toastie ghosty — A spirit that chooses to haunt the fireplace.

9) Mountain Boo — A ghost’s absolute favorite carbonated soda.

10) Seance-fiction — A phantom’s favorite movie and book genre.  

11) Hauntourage — A tight-knit gang of highly fashionable ghosts.

12) A winning shriek — What you call it when a ghost sports team wins every single game.  

13) Brew-geist — A ghost who physically cannot start the morning without a hot cup of coffee.

14) Polterheist — The official term for when a group of spirits successfully robs a bank.

15) Deja-boo — That incredibly eerie feeling that you’ve been haunted by this exact spirit before.

16) Ghoul-duct tape — The only thing a phantom uses to fix broken items around the house.